You know you’re too old for this crap when…

You cannot understand why anyone would go to a crushingly overcrowded bar. On purpose.

Waiting in an infinity-long line for food is not happening.

Any concert that doesn’t involve seats is basically torture.

We don’t even need to discuss festivals.

This is no longer cute.

Not having health insurance: too old for that crap.

Just looking at shots being poured gives you a headache.

You believe that cupcakes are not for adults.

Moving an entire apartment of heavy junk is off the table.

You’re done with team building, retreats, trust falls, icebreakers.

Relentless optimism is exhausting. You’ve seen too much.

Trying to meet someone is, like… effort. Too much effort.

Ugh, mind games. Who has time for this?

Everyone is always giving you guff for being a buzzkill.

You couldn’t care less about this guff, because YOU ARE TOO OLD FOR THIS CRAP!

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