More realistic sayings for feminine products

This photo inspired us to make a much more accurate list of “uplifting sayings”. Is this picture a joke???!!! (either way, it’s crap)
I think these are MUCH better.  :)


  1. Put the knives down and go get the box of cookies.
  2. Warn spouse before opening.
  3. Sorry, I don’t vibrate.
  4. I’ll be your vagina’s only friend this week.
  5. Step away from the flamethrower…
  6. It’s shark week, muthaf*ckas!
  7. Give your best effort not to bitch slap anyone this week.
  8. Remember, prison isn’t worth it.
  9. Soak me in vodka first, and this week will be bliss.
  10. Go with the flow.
  11. Try not to kill anyone today.
  12. Time to separate the men from the boys.
  13. Count to 10 before you do anything rash… ok, make it 50.
  14. Hey, it beats menopause!
  15. This applicator is biodegradable. You may be losing your mind, but you’re also saving the planet!
  16. I can also be used on your spouse’s gun shot wounds.
  17. I’m a little hostess gift from Aunt Flo.
  18. I’ll only soak up your unneeded uterine lining… unlike your family who soaks up your hopes and dreams.
  19. If you really want to cheer up, you’re going to need Xanax.
  20. At least you’re not pregnant.

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